Wednesday, August 12, 2009

[oo2] true bitch

True Blood is without a doubt the bonafide most buzzed about show of the summer, so it only makes sense that both the show and its bitchy, bratty, and frequently bare-all females (not to mention A-Skars) are on the mind. The irony is that out of all the women on the show (and there are many to fawn over; from tempting teenager Jessica to the frighteningly religious Sarah Newlin) the inarguable HBIC is the one with the least screen time.

Seriously, whenever Pam gets a scene let alone a line of dialogue it is a cause for celebration, because you can be guaranteed that whatever sardonic wit-icisms come out of her mouth are sure to leave you hanging high and dry.

One of the most memorable Pam scenes in season two thus far is when Eric sends her and vampire compadre Chow to find any trace of the mysterious beast that slashed Sookie earlier that night. This is much to Pam's displeasure as she stresses the fragile nature of her newest pumps to Eric's deaf ears. When Pam returns, shoes effectively ruined, despite Eric's admittance that "those were nice pumps," it does nothing to quell the uber-bitch-face she throws his way.

Let's also not forget the time she fixed Eric's hair. All while workin' a velour tracksuit better than any of those desperate housewives of New Jersey would ever dream to. Might we also add, she did a damn fine job on that haircut.

Another moment evidential of her queen bitchiness is in season one when Pam pays Bill a little visit in the graveyard while he undergoes the process of turning Jessica into a vampire. Perched proudly on the grass, Pam ignores Bill's emo-vampire self-loathing (oh the pains of granting eternal virilty!) and instead offers him a satisfied "thank you" in response to his earnest quip regarding her lack of humanity. She also kicks Jessica's dead body into a hole in the ground.

Finally, the scene that sent shivers down the spine and made us bow down in awe; after Bill kills Longshadow and Sookie is sprayed with the vampire's blood, the girls find themselves in the Fangtasia's bathroom on cleap-up duty. After Sookie ignores Pam's advice and offer of a fresh change of clothes, the vamptress dully drops,

"There's vampire in your cleavage."

Pam doesn't skip a beat before sliding in with a smooth, "allow me," and physically picking up Longshadow's last remains with her perfectly manicured nails before carelessly tossing the vampire bits aside. Bad. Ass.


Saturday, July 18, 2009

[oo1] head witch in charge

Though it may surprise some to see the vastly under-appreciated Mrs. Weasley featured as our initiate head bitch, the timing of it really shouldn't. With The Half Blood Prince's recent release we were forced to mull over Ginny Weasley's somewhat disappointing fierce-factor (don't get us wrong, we adore Bonnie Wright for the budding fashion ingenue she is). It suddenly occurred to us that the reason Ginny didn't quite live up to our expectations is because she's got some pretty big shoes to fill. Her mom's.

Hermione, Ginny, and Luna may all be fierce bitches in their own right, but none of these twaddling teenagers is really 'in charge' of anything. Molly Weasley is arguably the HBIC/HWIC of the entire fandom, and we're talking about a very large fandom with a very extensive roster. To earn the title is quite a feat.

So what, pray tell, is Mrs. Weasley in charge of? Try raising seven (yes, fucking seven) kids, not to mention the fact that her husband Arthur could very well make for eight at times. Seriously, Jon and Kate who? This bitch is giving Octo-Mom a run for her money.

Of course, when listing Molly's merits we cannot leave out perhaps the most bad-ass line spoken in the entire Harry Potter book series:

"Not my daughter, you bitch!"

Molly freaking owns Bellatrix Lestrange in a way that makes you actually root for the good guys (I'm not kidding, this is rare. Our degenerate youth are suckers for the 'misunderstood' aka evil). Also, it was about time someone got Bellatrix to STFU, especially after her uncalled for (and totally not okay) comment about Freddikins. We definitely look forward to seeing this exchange take place in live action, and should the scene be discarded like all the other scenes we actually care about to make room for more gawky teenage awkwardness, (seriously, why did Ginny tie Harry's shoe? Someone please explain this.) we think it's safe to assume that we wouldn't be alone in our bitter and embroiled rage.

Speaking of things thrown to the wayside; let's touch on the utter lack of Molly in HBP as a whole. Her house got mother-fucking burned down and she gets five seconds of screen-time, in which her tragic pout puts all thirty minutes of Emma Watson's lovelorn sulky-faces to shame.

Lastly, one of the penultimate reasons why Molly Weasley is a bonafide head witch in charge;

Bitch knits fucking sweaters (yo). We already know that this is a skill worthy of several gangsta points thanks to T-Pain & Taylor Swift. Did your mom knit you a sweater for Christmas? Not effing likely.

That's right. Molly Weasley, making suburbanite mothers and their iTunes giftcards inferior since 1949.


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

[ooo] the internet's debutante ball

If you can read this you've probably noticed the sidebar on the right and how it attempts to explain the self-explanatory. This is HBIC of the Week.

Now, despite the fact that it's already been spelled out for you, some of you may still be wondering, "but, what exactly is a HBIC?" Allow me to clarify. H.B.I.C. stands for Head Bitch in Charge, a positive term used to notate female characters or figures who possess a certain self-confidence, wit, independence, and bravado. In other words, these are the women who will not take your shit.

Don't worry, you won't find any exhausting and over-zealous feminist rants in here. Just HBICs... and maybe also some weeks?

Sabrina & Kathleen